I’m trying to imagine the decision-making process that resulted in this thing.
“All right, everyone. We’re behind on our spawning quotas for the quarter. We need some ideas, now. What do we have? Anyone? Come on, anything you got. We’re just brainstorming here. No bad ideas.”
“What if we fused an octopus and a shark and a crab together?”
“Sorry George, we actually did that back in 2019.”
“Maybe…a giant newt?”
“Ok, ok. That’s new. Let’s run with it. Who would be best suited to head up the project?”
“What about Crazy Ivan the Wizard? He lives in the basement? He never leaves his office and is always screaming about ‘scales and teeth’ and seeing them with his waking eyes.”
“Why do they call him Crazy Ivan?”
“Well, he’s actually crazy. Nervous breakdown five years ago.”
“Could it be the inspiration of the gods?”
“Well…I guess so. He’s never had an official diagnosis, so–“
“Works for me. Crazy Ivan. Giant newt. Let’s get this ball rolling.”
I know we’re on the wrong plane, but this sure feels like it has the Simic Guild written all over it.
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 