10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live
MTG is fun. The MTG Multiverse is not.
What did we have going? Trolls. Arni and his dumb head waking up the trolls. And making them angry. Giants. Frost giants. Fire giants. Giants fighting giants. Planeswalking Robert Frost. Doomskars. Bretagard getting torn apart and invaded by demons. **deep breath** Vorinclex. Demons just destroying everything. They don’t even care. More giants. Giants who want …
Continue reading “Reason #3,324: Meanwhile, back in Kaldheim…”
Oops, I meant Toralf, God of Thun–Fury. Fury. Obviously. Wouldn’t be a party without a god to fight our world–er cosmos serpent–to the death. Cosmos serpent. Yup. Hey, buddy. Spoiler alert, but you’re probably gonna die. Did I mention these gods can die? Ugh. Puny gods.
Or you might have to share anyhow. Koma is obviously Kaldheim’s analog to the Norse Jormungandr, the World Serpent. According to Norse mythology, Jormungandr kicks off Ragnarok when he releases his tail, thrashes his way on to land, and covers half the world in his venom. I’ve no doubt that the MTG Multiverse would let …
Continue reading “Reason #3,318: I think you have some competition, Sarulf.”
Oh, hey there. So you’re the Realm Eater? Is that some sort of world-ending, apocalyps monster? If you’re going to eat the world, do you think you could make sure to get Vorinclex while your at it? I mean, he is part of this world, at this moment. Just watch out for that Phyrexian oil; …
A vampire dragon. On Kaldheim. How does a vampire dragon make any sense on this plane? What did you do, Kaldheim? Rent this joker from Innistrad or something? Stay in your lane!
In fact, you’re actually kind of late to the party, Calamity Bearer. Although I don’t think anyone’s called dibs on the World Tree yet.
Trolls and giants don’t live in Bretagard, and I don’t notice these guys going after any trolls or giants. Just sayin’.
A river of fire, you say? I wonder what would happen if I introduced this guy to Vorinclex. Maybe we could get them into that giant hole in the ground together. Hmmmmm…
Get in line, buddy! We’ve got enough junk going on here on Kaldheim, already! I do not have time for your Phyrexian nonsense right now. Good grief, we still haven’t even dealt with the trolls yet. Hey, Arni! Do you know where I can find a Phyrexian-to-English dictionary around here?
I hate it here, and I’m not alone.
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 