Take a look at this creature’s mouths. It’s a little hard to make out, but I definitely count 3 mouths: one in the normal place, one in the left shoulder, and one in the left abdomen. There might also be one in the left knee, the right pec, and a couple more across the chest. …
Author Archives: davidlferrell
Reason #9,194: I don’t think she understands the job description
Wasn’t I just talking about raising the dead, and why it’s a bad idea? And isn’t it your job to make sure this doesn’t happen, anyway? An undertaker puts the dead in the ground; she doesn’t take them out of it! Stop it!
Reason #243: What’s worse than finding mice in your pantry?
This.
Reason #9,193: Cages probably wouldn’t help in this case…
I doubt that an iron cage would prove much of an obstacle for someone who can do this. As an aside though, you probably wouldn’t have nearly as many problems with zombies if you’d just leave the dead alone. Stop bringing them back from the grave! Do you think maybe this kind of thing could …
Continue reading “Reason #9,193: Cages probably wouldn’t help in this case…”
Reason 9,192: On Innistrad, you need cages for your coffins
Because on Innistrad, they have a zombie problem. And they put the cages around the coffins, so that when the zombies wake up, they can’t get out. Note, that’s a when, not if. On Innistrad, they will wake up eventually. Maybe this is a dumb question, but why not just make the actual coffins out …
Continue reading “Reason 9,192: On Innistrad, you need cages for your coffins”
Reason 2,081: I suppose that’s life-affirming?
Forgive me if I’m skeptical, though. These are goblins we’re talking about. How does that even work, anyway? They melt some artifact down in a vat of caustic…who knows what? And out pop more goblins? I probably don’t want to know.
Reason #3,814: Oh, don’t do that!
Did you not hear what I just said about the Ashmouth? The lack of guardrails is a bad thing! It’s a giant, magmatic hell-pit. Don’t go jumping into it! What is wrong with these people?!? I mean, if everyone was jumping off a bridge, and someone asked if you wanted to come along, would you…no. …
Reason 3,813: The Ashmouth
According to the MTG Wiki, the Ashmouth is a demonic gateway, taking the form of a magmatic chasm (hence the card name) in the Geier Reach Mountains of the province of Stensia on the plane of Innistrad. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a fan of fiery hell-pits as the next guy (that …
Reason #1,041: Mouths don’t belong there.
NOPE.
Reason #1522: This one’s also made of corpses
Pretty sure it is, anyway. Guess it’s kind of hard to tell. You know what, though? It being made of something else doesn’t really improve things much. I still don’t want to run into one of these. This thing is huge. Oh, and guess where it’s from. Innistrad! Hooray!
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 