Reason #4,641: Drowning in a cistern

Welcome back to Ravnica’s sewers, folks. This one’s kind of gross. Seems like a really bad way to go. Also, that poor horse! Based on the flavor text, though, it sounds like rot farming is a thing in Ravnica? So, it seems safe to assume that there a nontrivial amount of these sorts of filth …

Reason #746: Can we cut it out with the knives?

Well, here we are back on Dominaria, and look what we have. Another dingus running around with an egregious amount of sharp things. Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors? That principle applies to knives and chains with spikes and hooks…and scythes…uh…and spiked balls… . Oh dear…

Reason #745: Too many knives

I’m just gonna throw it out there and say this doesn’t look very safe. This guy is definitely running with very sharp objects. To his credit, he does appear to be keeping them with the blade pointed down. But still. I’m counting maybe 25 knives this dude is openly carrying on his person? Can you …

Reason #2,099: The Sengir family

I’m just gonna go out on a limb here…oh gosh, that was entirely unintentional. Really. Let’s try again. I’m just gonna make a guess, but that fellow looks pretty healthy, so he’s probably not being prepped for surgery. Aaaaaaand I’m also gonna guess that the fellow wearing the skull isn’t a tattoo artist. Aaaaaand the …

Reason #9,713: Not even planeswalkers are immune to waterfalls

Also, this Vraska character sounds like a real nice character. Although maybe she’s turned over a new leaf here or something? Still. Anyway. Vraska: “Uh, oh.” Jace: “Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a huge waterfall.” Vraska: “Yup.” Jace: “Sharp rocks at the bottom?” Vraska: “Most likely.” Jace: “Bring it on. Booyaaaaaaaah-haahaahaaaaaaaaaaaah–“

Reason #9,082: Pernicious Fungus

The parasitic fungus known as cordyceps is grade-A, nightmare fuel. It infects a host body and replaces its tissue. In ants, for instance, the virus takes over the brain. The ant starts acting erratic, and the other ants will actually remove the infected member from the rest of the colony. As the cordyceps hijacks the …

Reason #3,655: You’ve been cleansed

Imagine you live on a plane. You and all sorts of other people. Elves. Robots. Giants slugs. One day, out of nowhere, your plane gets CLEANSED. Are the all caps there excessive? Admittedly I feel a little silly using them for emphasis, but look at that picture. I don’t know where all those people are …

Reason #787: Your city just got ransacked

“Why is the brutality so widespread?” you ask. Well, that’s because a zombie army just invaded the city of Ravnica. That zombie in the background is setting that house on fire. War generally has a highly negative impact on property values. It also has a highly positive impact on mortality rates. Move to Ravnica. Lose …

Reason #47: Catacomb Slugs

A common theme you can expect to see is things (particularly animals) being much larger than they should be. Take this slug that lives in the sewers of the city of Ravnica. The existence of such a creature raises all sorts of questions that might challenge Ravnica’s rank on any “Best Cities to Live In” …

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