Reason #3,324: Meanwhile, back in Kaldheim…

What did we have going? Trolls. Arni and his dumb head waking up the trolls. And making them angry. Giants. Frost giants. Fire giants. Giants fighting giants. Planeswalking Robert Frost. Doomskars. Bretagard getting torn apart and invaded by demons.

**deep breath**

Vorinclex. Demons just destroying everything. They don’t even care. More giants. Giants who want to burn down the World Tree. VAMPIRE DRAGONS. Giant world-eating wolves. Giant world–er–cosmos serpents (talk about those Freudian slips). Gods who can keep themselves from dying.

And now we have a kraken. What kind of world is this where a kraken showing up seems like a deescalation? Cheese and crackers.

Are we missing anybody? Man, we’re setting up for a real battle royale here. Just need to find ourselves a flaming cage.

Reason #3,319: Here comes Thor.

Oops, I meant Toralf, God of Thun–Fury. Fury. Obviously.

Wouldn’t be a party without a god to fight our world–er cosmos serpent–to the death. Cosmos serpent. Yup. Hey, buddy. Spoiler alert, but you’re probably gonna die.

Did I mention these gods can die?

Ugh. Puny gods.

Reason #3,318: I think you have some competition, Sarulf.

Or you might have to share anyhow.

Koma is obviously Kaldheim’s analog to the Norse Jormungandr, the World Serpent. According to Norse mythology, Jormungandr kicks off Ragnarok when he releases his tail, thrashes his way on to land, and covers half the world in his venom.

I’ve no doubt that the MTG Multiverse would let itself be outdone for general awfulness.

Reason #3,317: The end is near?

Oh, hey there. So you’re the Realm Eater? Is that some sort of world-ending, apocalyps monster? If you’re going to eat the world, do you think you could make sure to get Vorinclex while your at it? I mean, he is part of this world, at this moment. Just watch out for that Phyrexian oil; not sure I have the stomach for dealing with a Phyrexian world-ending, apocalypse monster.

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