Reason #7,110: Smallpox

According to the WHO, roughly 3 in 10 people who contracted smallpox died from it. Those who survived often experienced significant lasting effects, such as scarring or blindness. In 1798, Edward Jenner developed an inoculation technique for treating smallpox; estimates suggest there were still some 50 million cases annually every year on a global basis …

Reason #1,931: His axe is on fire.

Shoot him in the head. Seriously, I don’t want to get hit by that. It’s made of lava. I could go to Home Depot and buy an axe and make it burn, but Home Depot doesn’t sell axes made of actual lava. At least this dude’s wearing a glove on his throwing hand. That seems …

Reason #3,770: There goes the sun.

They blot out the sun. For five days. And they yell the entire time. I gotta ask: why in the world did Nicol Bolas want to conquer this plane? This place is stupid. Why would anyone want to live here? Ravnica is stupid! Nicol Bolas is stupid! This whole stupid multiverse is stupid! … I’m …

Reason #64: An armpit seems like a really bad place for a mouth.

Sorry, I meant face. That’s a whole face under there. Can’t say I’ve ever run into anyone in my world with a face in their armpit. Maybe you have, I don’t know. Feel kind of bad for this guy. If I had a face in my armpit, I don’t think I’d be very happy about …

Reason #7,732: Destructible

So, something about this character really stands out to me. Can you guess what it is? Here’s a hint: all the other Kaldheim gods share this same characteristic. That’s right. He doesn’t have the “indestructible” keyword in his playtext. You know what that means in lore terms? The gods of Kaldheim can die. I can’t …

Reason #5,580: Not tempting

Do you want to go in there? I don’t want to go in there. Can’t say I see the appeal, and the odds of violent and painful death seem unreasonably high, considering where we are. Oh, those yellow bands are seams of gold? Probably magical gold that will melt your flesh off. You go in, …

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