Reason #2,738: I don’t think that porcelain would make for the sturdiest armor.

Wait what? Dude. How did we get from porcelain to the flesh of heretics? I know I should not be shocked by these kinds of things at this point, but I genuinely did a double-take when I read the flavor text on this one. Also, probably not gonna be much more effective than porcelain. As …

Reason #4,056: The people here are scary too.

On Eldraine, it’s not just the monsters you have to worry about. Here’s a guy suplexing a bear. Also, that bear’s head cracked that rock, not the other way around. Also, that guy looks like he’s wearing plate; I don’t think plate is supposed to bend like that. Are these things normal? Should I not …

Reason #5,641: Dress code violation

These people look more like they’re on their way to an aerobics class, not getting ready to fight a war (also, look at that sword[?] in her hand. What is up with that? Seems like you’re just asking to break your thumb with that thing). And let’s be honest. The MTG Multiverse is a pretty …

Reason #6,149: Ghost knights

Okay. So here’s this suit of armor. You put it on. But if you die, that’s not the end of it. The armor reanimates, because it’s haunted; there’s a ghost inside it. Now could be that you’re running around in some haunted armor…which means you’re running around in haunted armor. This is fine. Sure. Right. …

Reason #7,982: Don’t try this at home

So you’ve probably heard this, but here’s a thing about armor: the joints are the weak points. This knight has her entire right arm bare, with little to no protection for the shoulder joint and the underarm. That’s where people will be aiming the pointy things. Just sayin’. Oh, also: don’t hold long metal objects …

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