Reason #5,003: A novel idea

I know this is going to sound crazy, but what if we stopped summoning demons and making blood offerings to them? Maybe if we did that, they would stop torturing and murdering us. At least then we wouldn’t have our own stupidity to blame when bad things like this happened.

Reason #859: Where are you taking that blood?

You’re giving that blood to Bontu? Why would you give that blood to Bontu? What the crud? Surely, Bontu will not accept such a terrible offering. You murdered your crop-mate to get that blood! Guess what, folks. Bontu accepted the blood.

Reason #750: Sometimes the truth is not an improvement.

As I was scanning through the Gatherer database, I came across this card and misread it as “Rakdos Knifefight.” I feel like the sacrificial rites of the Rakdos cults are probably no less grisly than a Rakdos knife fight would be. In fact, I wonder if there is any real difference between those things. I …

Reason #833: A literal giant in the sky dropping big sharp objects

Haven’t heard much from Lorwyn so far, but this faerie kingdom doesn’t mess around. No creepy zombies. No weird things messing with your soul. No vampires or blood rituals. Not even some freaky monster with too many teeth. Nope. Just a very large man trying to hit you with a very sharp stick.

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