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Reason #5,003: A novel idea

I know this is going to sound crazy, but what if we stopped summoning demons and making blood offerings to them? Maybe if we did that, they would stop torturing and murdering us. At least then we wouldn’t have our own stupidity to blame when bad things like this happened.

Reason #873: Did you catch all that?

Right. So. The promised paradise beyond the gates to the afterlife is actually just more barren desert full of monsters. The scorpion god killed Rhonas, Kefnet, and Oketra. All the gods are actually related, so we’re getting some hard-core fratricide and sororicide going on here. We had a locus god bring a swarm of locusts …

Reason #859: Where are you taking that blood?

You’re giving that blood to Bontu? Why would you give that blood to Bontu? What the crud? Surely, Bontu will not accept such a terrible offering. You murdered your crop-mate to get that blood! Guess what, folks. Bontu accepted the blood.

Reason #8,231: Is this really a leech?

I’m no biologist, but that does not look like the mouth of a creature that merely wants to suck your blood. It looks more like the pierce your flesh/slice you up/swallow you down variety. It is admittedly hard to get a good sense of scale just from the picture, so maybe it’s very small. Based …

Reason #8,226: This one’s certainly big enough.

Just based on the scale there. People-sized houses up to its knees. Not sure how well the leech would do trying to suck blood out of it. And in any case, it’s the wrong plane; this fellow is from Theros, so I guess we’ll have to continue the search for the sake of our leech …