Reason #7,832: First, it’s called an ‘ickspitter.’

I’m going to say this upfront: DO NOT EAT TIDE PODS OR FEED THEM TO OTHER PEOPLE OR ANIMALS. Now that that’s out of the way, it’s spitting ick. Maybe feeding this thing some Tide Pods would help clean it up? I don’t know. I admit I’m kind of grasping at straws here. This thing …

Reason #8,234: Being blessed with leeches

Yes. You did read that correctly. I’m having a real hard time seeing why I would want this sort of blessing. Am I missing something? Seems pretty straightforward to me. I’m thinking that robe is probably ruined too. No sense trying to save it. Just burn it and buy a new one–a new one that’s …

Reason #4,008: Problems with hygiene

Goblin, you’re kinda putrid. I mean, no offense. It’s right there in your name, though. But this is not a serious problem. We can fix this. How about we start with a bath? And maybe get you some clothes that aren’t…rotting? Here, just…wait. Dude, wait, come back! No, that’s not what I meant by take …

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