cults – 10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live

Reason #3,405: Now cats are ruined too.

Cat demons. Why would you want a cat demon? Remember our previous discussion about cults and demons and the like? Take a look at this cat demon. You think it’s a nice cat demon? Well, for starts, when it enters play, the exploit mechanic triggers. What do you do? You sacrifice a creature. What happens …

Continue reading “Reason #3,405: Now cats are ruined too.”

Reason #3,323: They don’t stop at killing you, either.

Are you ready to disband your cult now? Cause this is what you have to look forward to, if you don’t. You’re going to be a zombie thrall. Is that what you want? … Dude! The correct answer was “No!” No! That question was rhetorical!

Reason #3,321: You do realize he’s going to eat you when you summon him, right?

You saw what happened with the Feaster of Fools. I just want to make sure you understand what you’re getting into here. When this ends poorly, don’t come crying to me.

Reason #3,320: Dumb cultists

You did know that it was going to eat you when you summoned it, right? You did? And you summoned it anyway? Yeah, this one’s on you.

Reason #7,833: Rakdos Augermage

What’s that? You’re from the Rakdos cult? Guess what! You’ve been banned!

Reason #7,832: First, it’s called an ‘ickspitter.’

I’m going to say this upfront: DO NOT EAT TIDE PODS OR FEED THEM TO OTHER PEOPLE OR ANIMALS. Now that that’s out of the way, it’s spitting ick. Maybe feeding this thing some Tide Pods would help clean it up? I don’t know. I admit I’m kind of grasping at straws here. This thing …

Continue reading “Reason #7,832: First, it’s called an ‘ickspitter.’”

Reason #750: Sometimes the truth is not an improvement.

As I was scanning through the Gatherer database, I came across this card and misread it as “Rakdos Knifefight.” I feel like the sacrificial rites of the Rakdos cults are probably no less grisly than a Rakdos knife fight would be. In fact, I wonder if there is any real difference between those things. I …

Continue reading “Reason #750: Sometimes the truth is not an improvement.”

Reason #1,187: Free lobotomy with admission

This card makes me uncomfortable, because things are obviously gonna go south real fast for this guy. And given that we’re dealing with the Rakdos Guild here, the fact that this situation won’t end well for the blindfolded fellow is not an assumption; it’s an inevitability. But there’s something that doesn’t make sense to me. …

Continue reading “Reason #1,187: Free lobotomy with admission”