Reason 7,334: Stay out of the sewers. Stay out of Ravnica.

Ravnica. Listen. You have a problem here. There are terrors and nightmares in your sewers. Is that a squid? Why are we even still talking about your sewers? Get your act together, Ravnica! Come on!

Reason #9,999: I told you not to go in the woods

But did you listen? No. “Let’s go on a quest,” you said. “Let’s have an adventure,” you said. “It will be fun.” Well, guess what. You found this. In the woods. Where you went, where I told you not to go. This one’s on you. I wash my hands of this.

Reason #4,009: Speaking of places to not go into…

Does anyone else notice the eyes in there? Or the teeth? Or the howling? No? Just me? Okay, that’s cool. Y’all go on in. Have fun. I’m just gonna be somewhere else. Like maybe a different multiverse.

Reason #4,008: Problems with hygiene

Goblin, you’re kinda putrid. I mean, no offense. It’s right there in your name, though. But this is not a serious problem. We can fix this. How about we start with a bath? And maybe get you some clothes that aren’t…rotting? Here, just…wait. Dude, wait, come back! No, that’s not what I meant by take …

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