Reason #873: Did you catch all that?

Right. So. The promised paradise beyond the gates to the afterlife is actually just more barren desert full of monsters. The scorpion god killed Rhonas, Kefnet, and Oketra. All the gods are actually related, so we’re getting some hard-core fratricide and sororicide going on here. We had a locus god bring a swarm of locusts …

Reason #7,302: I told you not to build your house there.

Peas and crackers! You guys remember the Eldraine tournament ground, right? Built under an active volcano? Well. Looks like someone thought it would be a good idea to build a whole city beneath an active volcano. They were wrong. I seem to recall someone saying this was not a good idea. It appears some other …

Reason #8,409: Your yard is on fire.

See, that’s what the hyphen there does. It indicates that the adjective ‘burning’ modifies ‘yard’, as the two are connected. If there wasn’t a hyphen there, ‘burning’ would modify ‘trainer’. So the trainer would be on fire in that case. Neither of these scenarios makes a lot of sense to me. But if your yard …

Reason #9,007: Just an observation

I feel like that…dog(?) probably wouldn’t make a very good pet. Especially if your house was made of wood. Or straw. Or paper. Or anything flammable. Actually, I think it might be a rat? Just looking at the tail. Honestly though, I’ve never seen a dog or a rat that breathed fire. Throws off my …

Reason #8,234: Being blessed with leeches

Yes. You did read that correctly. I’m having a real hard time seeing why I would want this sort of blessing. Am I missing something? Seems pretty straightforward to me. I’m thinking that robe is probably ruined too. No sense trying to save it. Just burn it and buy a new one–a new one that’s …

Reason #6,032: Nothing sinister happening here

It’s fine. Everything’s fine. They’re just…camping out or something. Right? Those robes, it’s probably just a bit cold outside. Gotta stay warm. And the knife… . And the spiked braziers… . It’s fine.

Reason #2,791: Open flames in the library

They’re dangerous. It seems like that would be pretty obvious, but absent-minded researchers–sometimes they forget or don’t think about these things I guess? So yeah. Just to be clear. Open flames in the library = bad idea The self-immolation thing on the other hand. If the intense pain and burning flesh aren’t a big red …

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