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Reason #87: Children

So, in MTG you’re a wizard, right? You summon creatures to fight battles on your behalf. Well, these goobers are among the thousands of creatures at your beck and call. That’s right. You’re using child soldiers now. Also, that food token they brought along with them was stolen. You know the fairy tales; you know …

Reason #5102: Hidetsugu, who Stays on Brand

So, check this out. I pulled this from an article by Jim Davis about the previews for the Kamigawa Neon Dynasty expansion. And here’s the first comment at the bottom: I’ll leave you to your own conclusions.

Reason #2,309: Exquisite jewelry

Is this a joke? Cause this doesn’t look like an exhibition of the latest in merfolk fashion. It looks to me like that giant mollusk is trying to eat that merperson. They aren’t wearing a new necklace, and the mollusk doesn’t merely want a hug.

Reason #4,803: Why do they have to make every battlefield a pigpen?

It’s because they’re letting the pigs eat the corpses of the dead soldiers. Did you really need to ask, Toothlicker Harj? You are an orc. I’d expect you’d know these things. Oh. It was a rhetorical question, wasn’t it? Silly me.

Reason #3,321: You do realize he’s going to eat you when you summon him, right?

You saw what happened with the Feaster of Fools. I just want to make sure you understand what you’re getting into here. When this ends poorly, don’t come crying to me.