Reason #64: An armpit seems like a really bad place for a mouth.

Sorry, I meant face. That’s a whole face under there. Can’t say I’ve ever run into anyone in my world with a face in their armpit. Maybe you have, I don’t know. Feel kind of bad for this guy. If I had a face in my armpit, I don’t think I’d be very happy about …

Reason #6,619: Extending social services

I know he’s a goblin, but I do feel sorry for Gerkk. That’s a phyrexian infection there. Those never end well. A good start for expanding social services for goblins might involve an education program. Like phyrexians: don’t go near them. Phyrexian ichors: don’t touch it. Easy messages right? Very much in line with “don’t …

Reason #4,988: You’re going to have to release the chaos yourself.

Appears this guy has really gone all in on this reckless thing. Unfortunately for him, I can’t say I’m on board with that. Just doesn’t seem like a great idea. Then again, he probably doesn’t care much. I’m a human, not a goblin.

Reason #3,823: Flectomancy

If this happened accidentally, it would be one thing. Not a good thing, mind you. I get the feeling though that you’re doing this one purpose. Be honest. You claim to be doing ‘science,’ but you Izzet folk just want to break stuff. At least the Gruul clan is willing to be upfront about their …

Reason #6,270: Goblin social reform

Goblins tend to be highly destructive creatures with a strong disregard for health and personal safety. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Lost cause, Dave. That’s just the way they are, and you’re not going to change that.” In which case, I think I’ll stick to my current plane, which is not inhabited by goblins, …

Reason #4,008: Problems with hygiene

Goblin, you’re kinda putrid. I mean, no offense. It’s right there in your name, though. But this is not a serious problem. We can fix this. How about we start with a bath? And maybe get you some clothes that aren’t…rotting? Here, just…wait. Dude, wait, come back! No, that’s not what I meant by take …

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