Reason #3,319: Here comes Thor.

Oops, I meant Toralf, God of Thun–Fury. Fury. Obviously. Wouldn’t be a party without a god to fight our world–er cosmos serpent–to the death. Cosmos serpent. Yup. Hey, buddy. Spoiler alert, but you’re probably gonna die. Did I mention these gods can die? Ugh. Puny gods.

Reason #3,305: Just one?

That’s all, Arni? Just one troll? Good job, you beat one troll. Well, guess what? You woke up a whole stupid pack of them! You woke up all of them! They’re everywhere! How are you going to get rid of ALL the trolls, Arni? Your gods aren’t even immortal. You have a doomskar that swallowed …

Reason #7,732: Destructible

So, something about this character really stands out to me. Can you guess what it is? Here’s a hint: all the other Kaldheim gods share this same characteristic. That’s right. He doesn’t have the “indestructible” keyword in his playtext. You know what that means in lore terms? The gods of Kaldheim can die. I can’t …

Reason #7,731: Regression

Let me get this straight. We’re worshiping angels now? You do realize that’s a step DOWN from gods, right? And just to remind you, the gods around here are pretty terrible. Also, they’re weak; they can’t planeswalk. And you’re telling me that you want to worship something LOWER in the order of creation. Were the …

Reason #6,559: Brainstorming sessions

I’m trying to imagine the decision-making process that resulted in this thing. “All right, everyone. We’re behind on our spawning quotas for the quarter. We need some ideas, now. What do we have? Anyone? Come on, anything you got. We’re just brainstorming here. No bad ideas.” “What if we fused an octopus and a shark …

Reason #5,822: Puny gods

If Xenagos is right here, then the gods of Theros are pretty lame. And I guess he’d know, cause he probably knows how he ‘found’ godhood in the first place. Gods whose existence is dependent on the sentiments of mortals? Please. That’s some serious JV league divinity there.

Reason #48: Kaldheim

Kaldheim is a new plane entering the MTG Multiverse. Kaldheim is a plane of vikings. Now, I know everyone loves vikings, or at least the idea of vikings. Or least the idea of what they think vikings are. You’re a smart person; I’m sure you know that the way vikings are represented in popular culture …

Reason #885: And now it’s dead.

The magical, zombie, cat-god shot the pegasus with her magical, zombie, cat-bow. Good job, MTG Multiverse. Once again, you’ve made a point of killing the nice things in the world. Good job. It’s your own house you’re burning down here. By all means, don’t let me get in your way.

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