Reason #6,477: Harfleur is so not worth it.

Oh hey, that’s what was coming through the breach. I’m sorry, Harry. Just…get out of there. Go home to England. France is done. The world is done. … Come on, Innistrad! You saw what the Eldrazi did to Zendikar! You really should have known better!

Reason #6,643: I see your Hedron Crab, and I raise you…

I guess Innistrad was feeling a little outdone by Zendikar, cause it decided to make one of these. Giant Eldrazi crabs: yup, that’s a thing now. “Thanks, Innistrad,” said no one ever.

Reason #4,887: Doubt. No benefit. Not apologizing.

I admit, any indictments I made of this guy at the moment might well be unfounded. Maybe this guy is a legitimate businessman, who acquired his product legally and humanely, and he’s filling a valuable niche in the Innistrad economy. But ya know what, MTG Multiverse? You lost the benefit of the doubt with me …

Reason #3,009: Eldraine also has public safety issues

Yeah, you remember those mountain roads in Innistrad without guardrails? Well, not to be outdone, Eldraine decided to build a tournament ground at the base of an active volcano.

Reason #9,193: Cages probably wouldn’t help in this case…

I doubt that an iron cage would prove much of an obstacle for someone who can do this. As an aside though, you probably wouldn’t have nearly as many problems with zombies if you’d just leave the dead alone. Stop bringing them back from the grave! Do you think maybe this kind of thing could …

Reason 9,192: On Innistrad, you need cages for your coffins

Because on Innistrad, they have a zombie problem. And they put the cages around the coffins, so that when the zombies wake up, they can’t get out. Note, that’s a when, not if. On Innistrad, they will wake up eventually. Maybe this is a dumb question, but why not just make the actual coffins out …

Reason #3,814: Oh, don’t do that!

Did you not hear what I just said about the Ashmouth? The lack of guardrails is a bad thing! It’s a giant, magmatic hell-pit. Don’t go jumping into it! What is wrong with these people?!? I mean, if everyone was jumping off a bridge, and someone asked if you wanted to come along, would you…no. …

Reason 3,813: The Ashmouth

According to the MTG Wiki, the Ashmouth is a demonic gateway, taking the form of a magmatic chasm (hence the card name) in the Geier Reach Mountains of the province of Stensia on the plane of Innistrad. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a fan of fiery hell-pits as the next guy (that …

Reason #1522: This one’s also made of corpses

Pretty sure it is, anyway. Guess it’s kind of hard to tell. You know what, though? It being made of something else doesn’t really improve things much. I still don’t want to run into one of these. This thing is huge. Oh, and guess where it’s from. Innistrad! Hooray!

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