knives – 10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live

Reason #7,289: Why would I want to live here again?

I just do not want to get stabbed in the back.

Reason #6,951: What are you doing with those knives?

You do realize how suspicious all of this looks, right? The knives. That thing in your hand that looks like an organ. Oh yeah, and the ghosts.

Reason #7,349: Mouth knives

I just want to point out that this fellow is running with a knife in his mouth. And the blade edge of that knife is pointing inward.

Reason #751: Could we, uh…go back to playing with knives?

Oh dear.

Reason #6,032: Nothing sinister happening here

It’s fine. Everything’s fine. They’re just…camping out or something. Right? Those robes, it’s probably just a bit cold outside. Gotta stay warm. And the knife… . And the spiked braziers… . It’s fine.

Reason #749: The wrong kind of inspiration

This guy remind you of anyone?

Reason #750: Sometimes the truth is not an improvement.

As I was scanning through the Gatherer database, I came across this card and misread it as “Rakdos Knifefight.” I feel like the sacrificial rites of the Rakdos cults are probably no less grisly than a Rakdos knife fight would be. In fact, I wonder if there is any real difference between those things. I …

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Reason #748: Why do you need a ‘kill-suit’?

Especially one that may well be just as much of a threat to the wearer as anyone else? I just told y’all you shouldn’t be running around with so many knives. I JUST told you. I don’t think they’re listening to me.

Reason #6,500: Don’t cut yourself

Surprisingly, we’re not talking about issues with knives here. We’re talking about the landscape. This place just looks inhospitable. Dry, dusty. I lived in Nigeria during harmattan season, and the dust just gets everywhere. I would not want to get stuck outside in this arid mesa. That landscape is super-sharp, though. Look at those hills; …

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Reason #8,332: Clean your tools

Why do its scars cut deeper than its blade? Because it’s rusty. If you cut yourself on this, you’ll probably get tetanus or something. Also, this thing looks like it could just snap off at any time. Get your shots. Take care of your equipment.