megafauna – 10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live

Reason #9,207: Just what I’ve always wanted: to be eaten by a giant frog.

No! No, I don’t want to get eaten by a giant frog! Why would I want to get eaten by a giant frog? Why would anyone want to get eaten by a giant frog? Don’t answer that, MTG Multiverse. This isn’t up for debate. No giant frogs. Just no.

Reason #3,378: I feel like Dovin should know better.

Come on, dude. You live in the MTG Multiverse; you’re even a planeswalker. Why are you surprised that there are giant monsters everywhere? A civilized plane? Oh, please. This is Ravnica. Go check out the sewers.

Reason #861: Maybe the god-pharaoh will save us from these bugs as well.

That’s a big beetle. Gives me the willies.

Reason #5,309: Another giant bug

This one picks up people and carries them off.

Reason #8,228: I’m done.

Nope. Nope. Oh, nopenopenope. Sorry, leech buddy. You’re on your own. It’s like a wurm inside a wurm inside a wurm in there. Worse than the alien xenomorph. And a whole lot bigger. Helping find a giant leech something to eat; what was I thinking?

Reason #697: Beware the tiny who become massive.

Does this kind of thing happen often around here? Asking for…well, me. I’m asking for me.

Reason #1,598: Jonald’s discovery

You decide to become a naturalist, because you want to explore all the beauty of nature. Unfortunately, you’re stuck on Ikoria, and nature wants to step on you.

Reason #4,883: A misnomer

This thing looks very real and very big. And it has lots of teeth. And I feel like they’re probably not just ornamental? I feel like it’s probably going to use them, probably for the kinds of things that teeth generally get used for. And I’m thinking about the size of this thing. Look at …

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Reason #5,922: Your ecology is broken.

Hey, look! More megafauna! This thing is the size of a small mountain. What does it eat? How does it eat enough? These are seriously problematic questions. Anyone? Anyone? No. Great.

Reason #6,643: I see your Hedron Crab, and I raise you…

I guess Innistrad was feeling a little outdone by Zendikar, cause it decided to make one of these. Giant Eldrazi crabs: yup, that’s a thing now. “Thanks, Innistrad,” said no one ever.