Reason #3,319: Here comes Thor.

Oops, I meant Toralf, God of Thun–Fury. Fury. Obviously. Wouldn’t be a party without a god to fight our world–er cosmos serpent–to the death. Cosmos serpent. Yup. Hey, buddy. Spoiler alert, but you’re probably gonna die. Did I mention these gods can die? Ugh. Puny gods.

Reason #5,822: Puny gods

If Xenagos is right here, then the gods of Theros are pretty lame. And I guess he’d know, cause he probably knows how he ‘found’ godhood in the first place. Gods whose existence is dependent on the sentiments of mortals? Please. That’s some serious JV league divinity there.

Reason #9,522: Bad Movie References

Remember our good friend, the Munitions Expert? And remember his menagerie? I know what you were thinking back then. I was thinking the same thing: No, the world doesn’t need any more flying sharks. Pretty sure we’re good here. Well, guess what. Ikoria heard you, and Ikoria said, “Hold on. We respectfully disagree.” So now …

Reason #4,821: Shall we play a game?

I’m getting a “War Games” vibe here. Toppling kingdoms, you say? Do you mean literal kingdoms? What kind of game are we talking about here? I want to read the fine print before I sign up for this. Or maybe I’ll just pass. It’s fine.

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