Reason #9,207: Just what I’ve always wanted: to be eaten by a giant frog.

No! No, I don’t want to get eaten by a giant frog! Why would I want to get eaten by a giant frog? Why would anyone want to get eaten by a giant frog? Don’t answer that, MTG Multiverse. This isn’t up for debate. No giant frogs. Just no.

Reason #4,986: Two words I’d rather not see together

‘Reckless’ and ‘fire.’ Does anyone actually think this is a good combination? Does anyone actually think the outcome here is going to be positive and constructive? You’re digging your own grave, MTG Multiverse. Just sayin’.

Reason #6,814: My favorite card.

This is my favorite card. Is it the best card in Magic? No. Is it a great way to close out a game? You betcha! I’ve been running a mono-black deck lately in Historic on Arena. It’s sort of a devotion-style deck, but I don’t lean hard into Gary–think I’m running just two–and I have …

Reason #3,378: I feel like Dovin should know better.

Come on, dude. You live in the MTG Multiverse; you’re even a planeswalker. Why are you surprised that there are giant monsters everywhere? A civilized plane? Oh, please. This is Ravnica. Go check out the sewers.

Reason #5,641: Dress code violation

These people look more like they’re on their way to an aerobics class, not getting ready to fight a war (also, look at that sword[?] in her hand. What is up with that? Seems like you’re just asking to break your thumb with that thing). And let’s be honest. The MTG Multiverse is a pretty …

Reason #799: The turtle of your dreams

I never said they were good dreams. What the crud even is that…nose? The thing coming out of its neck. It looks like an elephant’s trunk, except it’s coming out of the wrong place. Trunks go on your face. Not there. Stay out of my dreams, turtle. And while you’re at it, stay out of …

Reason #663: Laser eyes

Most of the time, I’d say, “Sure, you want laser eyes? That’s cool. If that’s what you want.” However. This is the MTG Multiverse, and usually when stuff gets changed here, it’s not for the better. Or it’s not what you want or think you’re getting. What is the Mirari and why does it make …

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