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Reason #928: The Fountain of Cho

I don’t actually know what the Fountain of Cho is. Thing is though, I read about this wall, and I read about these waters, and I just immediately think these waters are probably mixed with toxic, subterranean ichor, or maybe the spirits of the damned, or someone’s blood. I think we need to talk about …

Reason #4,398: In what world is this a good idea?

Frankly, the question kind of answers itself. But still. Who thought this was a good idea? And what even is that thing in its head? And why a zombie? What is going on here? Come on, MTG Multiverse. Stop trolling us. You just look dumb.

Reason #834: A very rigid ideal.

No room for discussion either, I guess. Ideological debates aside, why are we taking such a hard line here? There’s something terrible out there, right? We’re not just crazed zealots here? Oh wait. Maybe we’re crazed zealots, and there’s something terrible out there compelling this ideological position. This is the MTG Multiverse. Clearly it’s both.

Reason #5,330: Ceaseless hunger

Y’all remember Kroxa? Well, meet Ulamog. He’s also a very hungry boy. Ceaselessly in fact. He’s from the plane of Zendikar. I bet he and Kroxa are friends. Or they would be if they ever met. Have they ever been seen in the same place? Wait a minute! Could Kroxa and Ulamog be the same …

Reason #4,109: What do they even do at this temple?

I can kind of imagine what goes on at the Temple of Malice, and I’m confident it’s not good and I want no part of it. The Temple of Deceit is…what? A gathering place for sleazy car salesmen? A giant escape room? (I might be down with that last one.) Maybe they secretly host surprise …