Reason #5,330: Ceaseless hunger

Y’all remember Kroxa? Well, meet Ulamog. He’s also a very hungry boy. Ceaselessly in fact. He’s from the plane of Zendikar. I bet he and Kroxa are friends. Or they would be if they ever met. Have they ever been seen in the same place? Wait a minute! Could Kroxa and Ulamog be the same …

Reason #4,109: What do they even do at this temple?

I can kind of imagine what goes on at the Temple of Malice, and I’m confident it’s not good and I want no part of it. The Temple of Deceit is…what? A gathering place for sleazy car salesmen? A giant escape room? (I might be down with that last one.) Maybe they secretly host surprise …

Reason #3,960: I feel bad for the horses.

Seems to me like the horses in the MTGverse really get the short end of the stick. Like this one, which got murdered by its rider, who turned out to be a werewolf. Or that one horse that went crazy and turned into a cannibal. Or the one that became one with its rider (and …

Reason #1,878: What in the world is a Jokulhaups?

You know what question I don’t have to ask, though: is a Jokulhaups a bad thing? Because you know what? It is bad. Look at the picture. Read the flavor text. Do you want to be standing in front of that mess? Do you want to be in the Yavimaya Valley when a Jokulhaups comes …

Reason 3,881: Another hazardous bog.

Hey, look. This one has hands. Still not looking for a hug, though. Strangely, it looks like this one is indoors? Not sure which plane this is, but apparently you aren’t safe going into houses, because you might find a murderous bog inside. Thanks, MTG Multiverse. You’ve ruined houses.

Reason #833: A literal giant in the sky dropping big sharp objects

Haven’t heard much from Lorwyn so far, but this faerie kingdom doesn’t mess around. No creepy zombies. No weird things messing with your soul. No vampires or blood rituals. Not even some freaky monster with too many teeth. Nope. Just a very large man trying to hit you with a very sharp stick.

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