Reason #833: A literal giant in the sky dropping big sharp objects

Haven’t heard much from Lorwyn so far, but this faerie kingdom doesn’t mess around. No creepy zombies. No weird things messing with your soul. No vampires or blood rituals. Not even some freaky monster with too many teeth. Nope. Just a very large man trying to hit you with a very sharp stick.

Reason #9,064: Sorry, rabbit. You were born in the wrong multiverse.

This is a cottontail rabbit, native to the Americas. Looks pretty normal. Seems healthy, no visible wounds or obvious illnesses. Doesn’t look malnourished. I think we can agree this rabbit is probably doing well enough for a rabbit, right? This is a rabbit from the MTG Multiverse plane of Dominaria. This rabbit has opposable digits. …

Reason #6,500: Don’t cut yourself

Surprisingly, we’re not talking about issues with knives here. We’re talking about the landscape. This place just looks inhospitable. Dry, dusty. I lived in Nigeria during harmattan season, and the dust just gets everywhere. I would not want to get stuck outside in this arid mesa. That landscape is super-sharp, though. Look at those hills; …

Reason #3,971: His blood is on fire

Why is this person’s blood on fire? I mean, crud, that looks like lava or something. So this Purphoros, he’s a god of the plane of Theros. As a side-note, the ‘gods’ of the MTG Multiverse typically aren’t planeswalkers. What does that tell you about the quality of ‘gods’ in the MTG Multiverse? Weaker than …

Reason #4,887: Doubt. No benefit. Not apologizing.

I admit, any indictments I made of this guy at the moment might well be unfounded. Maybe this guy is a legitimate businessman, who acquired his product legally and humanely, and he’s filling a valuable niche in the Innistrad economy. But ya know what, MTG Multiverse? You lost the benefit of the doubt with me …

Reason #8,009: Build a moat

Why do I need a moat, Syr Branigan? Not that I doubt your advice. Far from it. I just want to know exactly what we’re up against. This is the MTG Multiverse, after all. I mean, how big is this thing? And why are its eyes on fire? Should I build my own moat, or …

Reason #3,655: You’ve been cleansed

Imagine you live on a plane. You and all sorts of other people. Elves. Robots. Giants slugs. One day, out of nowhere, your plane gets CLEANSED. Are the all caps there excessive? Admittedly I feel a little silly using them for emphasis, but look at that picture. I don’t know where all those people are …

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