no thanks – 10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live

Reason #775: I like my face.

I mean, I get it. I’m probably being narrow minded. Or something. There are any number of reasons why I might be the problem here. But…we have a giant man-thing made of paper birds(?) floating upside-down. It has no face. Water is coming out of the hole in its head, flowing through the roof of …

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Reason #3,309: Fire giants

This is not better. What’s worse than being stepped on? Getting lit on fire, then stepped on. All while beset by ‘elemenal mayhem’. Who in their right mind would want any part of this?

Reason #4,988: You’re going to have to release the chaos yourself.

Appears this guy has really gone all in on this reckless thing. Unfortunately for him, I can’t say I’m on board with that. Just doesn’t seem like a great idea. Then again, he probably doesn’t care much. I’m a human, not a goblin.

Reason #662: Change is not always a good thing.

I’m looking at the rules text of this card, and I have a very important question. Does this mean that if I met Ashaya in person, I would become a tree? Because I don’t want to be a tree. Thanks. Ashaya can’t planeswalk, right?

Reason #4,092: And now for something completely different…well, not really.

Just a new way to die that doesn’t involve disintegration. I guess you turn into some sort of shadow thing or an ink or ooze blob? I don’t know. Not sure which is worse, either. Don’t really care which is worse, in any case. This isn’t an invitation for one of those “would you rather…” …

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Reason #4,892: It eats brains.

And I like mine right where they are. Thanks. Stay away from me.

Reason #3,622: This bird shoots ice beams from its eyes.

Never seen something like this in person. Don’t particularly want to.

Reason #8,072: At least it’s not made of souls

Or blood or organs or whatever. Still dangerous though. Still not something I want any part of.

Reason #871: The reason I don’t want to visit Amonkhet

One reason among many really. But yes. This is the so-called god-pharaoh, that guy who built the dreadhorde and used all those zombies to invade Ravnica. Real nice fellow, eh? I’ll just take a hard pass on this Nicol Bolas. Hard pass on Amonkhet. Hard pass on Ravnica. Hard pass on this whole stupid multiverse.

Reason #7,301: Not for the faint of heart

By way of confession, I’m not particularly fond of heights. When I first started playing it, I would get mild vertigo playing Minecraft. So, I don’t think I’d do particularly well living on a floating island. This is not a floating island though, obviously; it is a floating plain, hence the name. I don’t think …

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