Goblins tend to be highly destructive creatures with a strong disregard for health and personal safety. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Lost cause, Dave. That’s just the way they are, and you’re not going to change that.” In which case, I think I’ll stick to my current plane, which is not inhabited by goblins, …
Tag Archives: not safe
Reason #3,009: Eldraine also has public safety issues
Yeah, you remember those mountain roads in Innistrad without guardrails? Well, not to be outdone, Eldraine decided to build a tournament ground at the base of an active volcano.
Reason #4,009: Speaking of places to not go into…
Does anyone else notice the eyes in there? Or the teeth? Or the howling? No? Just me? Okay, that’s cool. Y’all go on in. Have fun. I’m just gonna be somewhere else. Like maybe a different multiverse.
Reason #1,187: Free lobotomy with admission
This card makes me uncomfortable, because things are obviously gonna go south real fast for this guy. And given that we’re dealing with the Rakdos Guild here, the fact that this situation won’t end well for the blindfolded fellow is not an assumption; it’s an inevitability. But there’s something that doesn’t make sense to me. …
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Reason #5,818: Those knives, they’re scary
MTG streamer Jamie “Topples” Rigatti summed this one up pretty well during a 9/8/2019 stream, saying, “Look at that knife. That knife is scary as–“ Pretty much sums it up. Can we stop with the knives, guys?
Reason #2,299: Where do these things come from?
This is not normal. Just a bunch of junk, walking around, doing…what? You can’t keep something like this around, people. You’re not going to use it as, say, a school crossing guard. Some kid’s gonna get impaled with all the random sharp things poking out. And the rust? Make sure you have your tetanus shots, …
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Reason 3,815: Sudden blasts of hot mercury
The element mercury is best known as the metal that’s also a liquid at room temperature. But you may not know that mercury doesn’t evaporate until its temperature hits 674.11 °F. I certainly didn’t! I had to look it up. That’s 462.11 degrees hotter than the boiling point of water. If you’ve ever scalded yourself …
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Reason #9,193: Cages probably wouldn’t help in this case…
I doubt that an iron cage would prove much of an obstacle for someone who can do this. As an aside though, you probably wouldn’t have nearly as many problems with zombies if you’d just leave the dead alone. Stop bringing them back from the grave! Do you think maybe this kind of thing could …
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Reason #3,814: Oh, don’t do that!
Did you not hear what I just said about the Ashmouth? The lack of guardrails is a bad thing! It’s a giant, magmatic hell-pit. Don’t go jumping into it! What is wrong with these people?!? I mean, if everyone was jumping off a bridge, and someone asked if you wanted to come along, would you…no. …
Reason 3,813: The Ashmouth
According to the MTG Wiki, the Ashmouth is a demonic gateway, taking the form of a magmatic chasm (hence the card name) in the Geier Reach Mountains of the province of Stensia on the plane of Innistrad. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a fan of fiery hell-pits as the next guy (that …
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 