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Reason #6,601: And you thought alligators in the sewers were bad

Good grief, what even is that thing? Some kind of wurm or something? What are you people throwing down there to feed this thing? If there ever were alligators down there, I’m guessing they’re probably gone now. This has got to be Ravnica.

Reason #750: Sometimes the truth is not an improvement.

As I was scanning through the Gatherer database, I came across this card and misread it as “Rakdos Knifefight.” I feel like the sacrificial rites of the Rakdos cults are probably no less grisly than a Rakdos knife fight would be. In fact, I wonder if there is any real difference between those things. I …

Reason #748: Why do you need a ‘kill-suit’?

Especially one that may well be just as much of a threat to the wearer as anyone else? I just told y’all you shouldn’t be running around with so many knives. I JUST told you. I don’t think they’re listening to me.

Reason #7,310: The state of Ravnican Health and Human Services

Seems like a rather poor offering if you ask me. The Rakdos could clearly use some good therapy. Pretty sure this would fall under sadomasochistic tendencies, but I’m no psychologist. I do know the value of good, professional counseling though, Dear Reader. If you’re not feeling right upstairs, go talk to someone. Find a professional …

Reason 7,334: Stay out of the sewers. Stay out of Ravnica.

Ravnica. Listen. You have a problem here. There are terrors and nightmares in your sewers. Is that a squid? Why are we even still talking about your sewers? Get your act together, Ravnica! Come on!

Reason #6,500: Don’t cut yourself

Surprisingly, we’re not talking about issues with knives here. We’re talking about the landscape. This place just looks inhospitable. Dry, dusty. I lived in Nigeria during harmattan season, and the dust just gets everywhere. I would not want to get stuck outside in this arid mesa. That landscape is super-sharp, though. Look at those hills; …

Reason #2,188: The acrid smell of sudden death

Overtime at a football game this is not. What it is, though: crud, I don’t know what’s going on here. It made the armor unwearable? That sounds bad. I don’t know what sudden death smells like, but I think that’s an experience I’m fine not having. What in the world, guys? What in the world? …

Reason #379: Get out of the way!

Getting hit with that flaming metal ball would be a real bad day on the plane of Ravnica. Why is this zombie monster stomping around the streets of Ravinica? Where do these things come from? Well, I will tell you why and where they come from, dear reader. The dreadhorde butcher is part of the …