Getting hit with that flaming metal ball would be a real bad day on the plane of Ravnica. Why is this zombie monster stomping around the streets of Ravinica? Where do these things come from? Well, I will tell you why and where they come from, dear reader. The dreadhorde butcher is part of the …
Tag Archives: Ravnica
Reason #4,008: Problems with hygiene
Goblin, you’re kinda putrid. I mean, no offense. It’s right there in your name, though. But this is not a serious problem. We can fix this. How about we start with a bath? And maybe get you some clothes that aren’t…rotting? Here, just…wait. Dude, wait, come back! No, that’s not what I meant by take …
Reason #1,187: Free lobotomy with admission
This card makes me uncomfortable, because things are obviously gonna go south real fast for this guy. And given that we’re dealing with the Rakdos Guild here, the fact that this situation won’t end well for the blindfolded fellow is not an assumption; it’s an inevitability. But there’s something that doesn’t make sense to me. …
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Reason #6,328: Death lurks between, or behind, the lines
One of the questions I’m frequently asking about these examples is “What is actually going on here?” Because of course it would be easy to jump to conclusions, and we certainly don’t want to allow prejudice to cloud our judgments regard the MTG Multiverse. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s really not as bad as I …
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Reason #3,941: Don’t put that there!
Hmmmm. When asked the question, “What’s the best way to get to Ravnica?” how would you answer? Maybe drive? Or take a boat? Or planeswalk, if you’re a planeswalker, however that works. Seems reasonable. If you’re Nicol Bolas, you use the Planar Bridge. It opens a portal between planes, one that conveniently is big enough …
Reason #2,681: Maybe get this guy some pants?
Honestly, pants are probably the least of this guy’s problems. Blood tears are bad, but…soul tears? What the crud? This does not sound like a good way to go. I don’t know how something like this happens to someone, but good grief. Oh. It’s the Orzhov Syndicate. Welcome to Ravnica. Make sure you know who’s …
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Reason #747: Wait, THAT’S where those knives come from?
So, I really would not want to run into this guy in a dark alley. Or in the middle of the street. Or really anywhere. That’s a whole lot of sharp stuff with wings, and just a hunch, but I doubt he’s just looking for a hug. But guys. This is where the Rakdos get …
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Reason #4,641: Drowning in a cistern
Welcome back to Ravnica’s sewers, folks. This one’s kind of gross. Seems like a really bad way to go. Also, that poor horse! Based on the flavor text, though, it sounds like rot farming is a thing in Ravnica? So, it seems safe to assume that there a nontrivial amount of these sorts of filth …
Reason #745: Too many knives
I’m just gonna throw it out there and say this doesn’t look very safe. This guy is definitely running with very sharp objects. To his credit, he does appear to be keeping them with the blade pointed down. But still. I’m counting maybe 25 knives this dude is openly carrying on his person? Can you …
Reason #787: Your city just got ransacked
“Why is the brutality so widespread?” you ask. Well, that’s because a zombie army just invaded the city of Ravnica. That zombie in the background is setting that house on fire. War generally has a highly negative impact on property values. It also has a highly positive impact on mortality rates. Move to Ravnica. Lose …
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10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 