stop it! – 10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live

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Reason #707: Put that back!

I know we’re not dealing with bones here, but I feel like adding a verse to the song Dem Bones might be instructive. The brain here belongs inside of the skull,/ The skull it originally came from./ And leave it alone cause it belongs there./ You should not take it out./

Reason #3,406: And now you’ve ruined turtles.

You know what you could also do instead of letting it walk the lands? You could let it rest in peace. Or maybe you could NOT turn it into a zombie in the first place.

Reason #3,405: Now cats are ruined too.

Cat demons. Why would you want a cat demon? Remember our previous discussion about cults and demons and the like? Take a look at this cat demon. You think it’s a nice cat demon? Well, for starts, when it enters play, the exploit mechanic triggers. What do you do? You sacrifice a creature. What happens …

Continue reading “Reason #3,405: Now cats are ruined too.”

Reason #6,877: Please keep all hands feet and objects inside the ride.

That includes brains inside their respective heads. That’s where they belong. Especially if the host is still living. Don’t go removing other people’s brains. Just…just don’t.

Reason #3,323: They don’t stop at killing you, either.

Are you ready to disband your cult now? Cause this is what you have to look forward to, if you don’t. You’re going to be a zombie thrall. Is that what you want? … Dude! The correct answer was “No!” No! That question was rhetorical!

Reason #7,509: Now you’re just trying to get attention.

Really, MTG Multiverse? That’s just gross. You’ve got our attention now. Good job. Hope you’re happy, cause it earned you a spot on the list.

Reason #7,834: No trumpeting

Why? Cause you’ve been banned! Stop it!

Reason #4,990: I think you have it backwards.

Should be ‘cure what ails you.’ Yeah, I get it; you did it that way on purpose. Cause you’re a plague witch. You keep breaking the nice things, and we won’t have any nice things left. No, plagues are not nice things. Stop it.

Reason #859: Where are you taking that blood?

You’re giving that blood to Bontu? Why would you give that blood to Bontu? What the crud? Surely, Bontu will not accept such a terrible offering. You murdered your crop-mate to get that blood! Guess what, folks. Bontu accepted the blood.

Reason #858: Speaking of murder…

Hey, where are those gods? These initiates are murdering each other. This is not ok! They need to come and stop this. Uh…gods…? This is not okay, right? Please tell me we’re not okay with this.