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Reason #6,629: The thief of crowns

Meet Oko. On Magic’s digital platform, MTG Arena, whenever Oko creates a food token, he says, “It’s not poisoned. Trust me.” Hold on, Oko. Who said anything about poison? I didn’t say anything about poison. Why are we talking about poison, Oko? Should I be concerned? SHOULD I BE CONCERNED?

Reason #6,321: Don’t tread on me. Please?

So, look. The prospect of living in a world where a significant (or really any) portion of the population can step on me (in the manner demonstrated here) makes me a bit uncomfortable. And I know the giant was born a giant, and there are probably plenty of decent giants out there. And this isn’t …

Reason #4,821: Shall we play a game?

I’m getting a “War Games” vibe here. Toppling kingdoms, you say? Do you mean literal kingdoms? What kind of game are we talking about here? I want to read the fine print before I sign up for this. Or maybe I’ll just pass. It’s fine.

Reason #9,999: I told you not to go in the woods

But did you listen? No. “Let’s go on a quest,” you said. “Let’s have an adventure,” you said. “It will be fun.” Well, guess what. You found this. In the woods. Where you went, where I told you not to go. This one’s on you. I wash my hands of this.

Reason #3,509: Fairy-tale speed-dating?

Is this what people do in Eldraine? Just go around kissing randos? Based on what Marawen here has to say, I’m guessing these people didn’t actually know each other. Not sure this is the best way to establish a strong foundation for a relationship. Just seems a bit rash. And speaking of rashes, is kissing …

Reason #7,982: Don’t try this at home

So you’ve probably heard this, but here’s a thing about armor: the joints are the weak points. This knight has her entire right arm bare, with little to no protection for the shoulder joint and the underarm. That’s where people will be aiming the pointy things. Just sayin’. Oh, also: don’t hold long metal objects …