A vampire dragon. On Kaldheim. How does a vampire dragon make any sense on this plane? What did you do, Kaldheim? Rent this joker from Innistrad or something? Stay in your lane!
It looks like both of your abdomens have been flayed. Is everything all right? You were aware of this, weren’t you?
Aren’t they just the coolest? Everyone loves vampires. That guy on the table loves vampires. Don’t you buddy? What’s that? Speak up, I can’t hear you. Huh. Must’ve fallen a asleep or something.
Here on Innistrad there’s a resident guardian angel named Avacyn. There are a lot of scary, dangerous things on Innistrad–zombies, vampires, werewolves, the Ashmouth. But fortunately, we have Avacyn here on our side to protect us from all those things. Right?
No. Seriously. Why are you tracking my blood? Why are you tracking anyone’s blood? How are you tracking anyone’s blood? I have some very real problems with this, guys.
Haven’t heard much from Lorwyn so far, but this faerie kingdom doesn’t mess around. No creepy zombies. No weird things messing with your soul. No vampires or blood rituals. Not even some freaky monster with too many teeth. Nope. Just a very large man trying to hit you with a very sharp stick.
Murdering the guests? Major party foul. As an aside, this fellow is a real handful on the other side of the board.
Perhaps the fact that this is a vampire should be explanation enough, but seriously. Why are you seeking my throat? Stay away from my throat! And as if one throatseeker wasn’t bad enough: This one’s not a vampire, so I don’t even know what its issue is. Probably not good. At least this one’s chained…
I’m just gonna go out on a limb here…oh gosh, that was entirely unintentional. Really. Let’s try again. I’m just gonna make a guess, but that fellow looks pretty healthy, so he’s probably not being prepped for surgery. Aaaaaaand I’m also gonna guess that the fellow wearing the skull isn’t a tattoo artist. Aaaaaand the …