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Reason #3,855: Serpentine basilisk

I was about to give this one a hard NOPE. But I couldn’t really tell what was even going on. So I took one last close look, and suddenly the thing reminded me of one of those joke, potato-chip cans. You know, the ones that actually have a snake or confetti in them or something, …

Reason #5,270: Maybe we should check in on Zendikar.

After all, there’s a new expansion coming out on the plane of Zendikar. Couldn’t hurt to see what’s new on that plane, right? Let’s take a look. Oh! Oh my! What is that, and what’s it doing to his head? Nope. Nope. Not this plane. Taking the first train out of here.

Reason #6,601: And you thought alligators in the sewers were bad

Good grief, what even is that thing? Some kind of wurm or something? What are you people throwing down there to feed this thing? If there ever were alligators down there, I’m guessing they’re probably gone now. This has got to be Ravnica.

Reason #4,398: In what world is this a good idea?

Frankly, the question kind of answers itself. But still. Who thought this was a good idea? And what even is that thing in its head? And why a zombie? What is going on here? Come on, MTG Multiverse. Stop trolling us. You just look dumb.

Reason #7,228: Once more unto the breach, dear friends! Or not. Actually, I think I’m good

Just a hunch, but I suspect if Henry V had run into…whatever that is at the siege of Harfleur, he probably would have turned right around and sailed back to England. I would fully support his decision. What even is that thing? Again, please don’t answer that.