Reason #9,207: Just what I’ve always wanted: to be eaten by a giant frog.

No! No, I don’t want to get eaten by a giant frog! Why would I want to get eaten by a giant frog? Why would anyone want to get eaten by a giant frog? Don’t answer that, MTG Multiverse. This isn’t up for debate. No giant frogs. Just no.

Reason #624: The cage we built with our own hands

Our literal hands. I can’t help feeling like the MTG Multiverse would be so much better if everyone just used metaphors a little more liberally. Why do we need a cage made of hands? This card is just legit weird. Crud. I feel like I should just rip into this one pretty hard, but…I don’t …

Reason #8,702: The hand of death recognizes its own.

And apparently its own has four arms. Also an extra arm and head sticking out of their abdomen. Um. I honestly have nothing here guys. This one just makes no sense. At least he’s wearing pants. That looks like a solid pair of pants.

Reason #799: The turtle of your dreams

I never said they were good dreams. What the crud even is that…nose? The thing coming out of its neck. It looks like an elephant’s trunk, except it’s coming out of the wrong place. Trunks go on your face. Not there. Stay out of my dreams, turtle. And while you’re at it, stay out of …

Reason #859: Where are you taking that blood?

You’re giving that blood to Bontu? Why would you give that blood to Bontu? What the crud? Surely, Bontu will not accept such a terrible offering. You murdered your crop-mate to get that blood! Guess what, folks. Bontu accepted the blood.

Reason #4,398: In what world is this a good idea?

Frankly, the question kind of answers itself. But still. Who thought this was a good idea? And what even is that thing in its head? And why a zombie? What is going on here? Come on, MTG Multiverse. Stop trolling us. You just look dumb.

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