Reason #3,944: This crocodile has horns.

Because normal crocodiles clearly didn’t have enough sharp bits. Also, why are the horns curved to point almost directly at the croc’s eyes? From an evolutionary perspective, I fail to see the advantage.

Reason #6,081: Bad ideas with a side of bad ideas

Who in their right mind says, “You know what I need? A horn that projects screaming ghosts when I blow it.” Why is there so much screaming around here? Oh right. Cause THE MTG MULTIVERSE IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO LIVE.

Reason #2,627: It’s called a ‘Paradox Engine’…

Does it create paradoxes? Does it run on paradoxes? What kind of exquisite fruit are we talking about here? If it runs on paradoxes, where do they come from? And if it creates paradoxes…well, can we just leave it off? Or maybe dismantle it? I don’t want uncontrolled paradoxes just running around, untethered. Running around …

Reason #5,329: Too many mouths

Take a look at this creature’s mouths. It’s a little hard to make out, but I definitely count 3 mouths: one in the normal place, one in the left shoulder, and one in the left abdomen. There might also be one in the left knee, the right pec, and a couple more across the chest. …

Reason #1,371: That’s a lot of swords

This card has appeared in twelve different MTG sets, so I think it’s safe to say that sword walls aren’t just one-offs in the MTG Multiverse. Aside from the fact that these aren’t exactly rarities, I think their existence raises a rather obvious and disturbing question, namely: Why exactly did the builders of the Wall …

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