Reason #5,370: Phobias. Or why I wouldn’t fit in on Zendikar.

I’m not a huge fan of heights, and Zendikar seems to have a lot of high places that would be easy to fall from. Also, a notable lack of guardrails.

Reason #1,727: Maternal instincts

Y’all know how mama birds often teach their chicks to fly by throwing them out of the nest, right? Sounds like kind of a harsh way to learn, but I’m inclined to think that their good instincts and evolutionary development has trained them to know how to do this successfully, in ways that would not …

Reason #5,270: Maybe we should check in on Zendikar.

After all, there’s a new expansion coming out on the plane of Zendikar. Couldn’t hurt to see what’s new on that plane, right? Let’s take a look. Oh! Oh my! What is that, and what’s it doing to his head? Nope. Nope. Not this plane. Taking the first train out of here.

Reason #5,330: Ceaseless hunger

Y’all remember Kroxa? Well, meet Ulamog. He’s also a very hungry boy. Ceaselessly in fact. He’s from the plane of Zendikar. I bet he and Kroxa are friends. Or they would be if they ever met. Have they ever been seen in the same place? Wait a minute! Could Kroxa and Ulamog be the same …

Reason #6,477: Harfleur is so not worth it.

Oh hey, that’s what was coming through the breach. I’m sorry, Harry. Just…get out of there. Go home to England. France is done. The world is done. … Come on, Innistrad! You saw what the Eldrazi did to Zendikar! You really should have known better!

Reason #6,643: I see your Hedron Crab, and I raise you…

I guess Innistrad was feeling a little outdone by Zendikar, cause it decided to make one of these. Giant Eldrazi crabs: yup, that’s a thing now. “Thanks, Innistrad,” said no one ever.

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