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Reason #875: The Scarab God

It’s the Scarab God. I hated playing against this joker. He pings you at the start of every turn. He digs your dead creatures out of your graveyard, turns them into big nasty zombies, and punches you in the face with them. And unless you exile him, he just keeps coming back every time you …

Reason #873: Did you catch all that?

Right. So. The promised paradise beyond the gates to the afterlife is actually just more barren desert full of monsters. The scorpion god killed Rhonas, Kefnet, and Oketra. All the gods are actually related, so we’re getting some hard-core fratricide and sororicide going on here. We had a locus god bring a swarm of locusts …

Reason #871: The reason I don’t want to visit Amonkhet

One reason among many really. But yes. This is the so-called god-pharaoh, that guy who built the dreadhorde and used all those zombies to invade Ravnica. Real nice fellow, eh? I’ll just take a hard pass on this Nicol Bolas. Hard pass on Amonkhet. Hard pass on Ravnica. Hard pass on this whole stupid multiverse.

Reason #6,577: Zombie dragons

Does anyone out there think this could possibly be a nice zombie dragon? Does anyone think this is a dragon they want to meet in person? Let me rephrase that–anyone who does not already live in the MTG Multiverse. Y’all are a bunch of nuts, and I don’t trust your judgment.

Reason #7,209: Some unsettling possibilities

We all know the story of Frankenstein’s monster, so I’m not going to get into the obvious questions of animating constructs made from the parts of corpses. What I want to know is this: they call it the ‘prized’ amalgam. Does that mean there’s…a competition or something for this kind of thing? Are they giving …

Reason #4,398: In what world is this a good idea?

Frankly, the question kind of answers itself. But still. Who thought this was a good idea? And what even is that thing in its head? And why a zombie? What is going on here? Come on, MTG Multiverse. Stop trolling us. You just look dumb.