Ouch.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Reason #4,884: Another misnomer
Hey look, it’s an actual leech. It also looks pretty big though. And man, those teeth look very much like they’re meant for chewing things. Wait, what’s that Gavi? This thing is after more than just my blood? Seriously? What’s it after? These ARE NOT leeches, Ikoria!
Reason #1,598: Jonald’s discovery
You decide to become a naturalist, because you want to explore all the beauty of nature. Unfortunately, you’re stuck on Ikoria, and nature wants to step on you.
Reason #4,883: A misnomer
This thing looks very real and very big. And it has lots of teeth. And I feel like they’re probably not just ornamental? I feel like it’s probably going to use them, probably for the kinds of things that teeth generally get used for. And I’m thinking about the size of this thing. Look at …
Reason 9,523: Sharks with Arms
Sharks don’t need arms. They really don’t. I’d say that at least this thing doesn’t fly, but here’s the thing: it certainly could. That’s what the Mutate mechanic is all about. You can basically Frankenstein creatures together, making one super creature with the combined abilities and keywords and stuff. So maybe you have a flying …
Reason #9,522: Bad Movie References
Remember our good friend, the Munitions Expert? And remember his menagerie? I know what you were thinking back then. I was thinking the same thing: No, the world doesn’t need any more flying sharks. Pretty sure we’re good here. Well, guess what. Ikoria heard you, and Ikoria said, “Hold on. We respectfully disagree.” So now …
Reason #8,811: Mouths inside mouths
You know what Boot Nippers, Goblin Sharks, and the Alien xenomorph have in common? Mouths inside mouths. I think I know how you feel, Aaru, Zagoth lumberjack.
Reason #7,559: Nightmare squirrels
On Earth, squirrels typically have two legs and two eyes and one tail. On Ikoria, the squirrels have six legs and six eyes and two tails. This isn’t a competition, Ikoria. Could you just chill? Not even starting on the webbing.
Reason #6,127: Bring out your dead
All these zombie knights running around, it’s like Death retired and the four horsemen of the apocalypse decided to have tryouts to replace him. Or maybe they’re all going to a convention or something? I’d hate to be the group that had booked the hall next to that one. Like, you’re a bunch of dentists, …
Reason #6,126: Zombie Knights
What’s up with all the zombie knights? This guy is just wandering around the marshes of Eldraine, as one does. Lookin’ pretty rough honestly. Horse ain’t doing so great. Gonna go…murder…someone. You know, buddy, why not take a break? Nice long break. You’ve earned it. Trust me. Don’t think he’s listening.
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 