We haven’t met Kroxa yet, have we? This is Kroxa. He’s from the plane of Theros. This is another plane that I don’t want to visit. I don’t want to visit it, because Kroxa lives there. I’m pretty sure he wants to eat me. He probably wants to eat everybody. And everything. That’s kind of …
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Reason #4,109: What do they even do at this temple?
I can kind of imagine what goes on at the Temple of Malice, and I’m confident it’s not good and I want no part of it. The Temple of Deceit is…what? A gathering place for sleazy car salesmen? A giant escape room? (I might be down with that last one.) Maybe they secretly host surprise …
Continue reading “Reason #4,109: What do they even do at this temple?”
Reason #4,108: Not the Temple of Friendship
Seriously, who builds these things? Why don’t you just build a Temple of Friendship or something? There’s a marketing person out there who really needs to be fired for this.
Reason #5,777: Beware of MTG Multiverses bearing gifts.
Is there a receipt included with this? Maybe take it back to Wal-Mart or wherever? Or I dunno. Try to regift it. Need to get myself invited to a white-elephant, gift exchange. Fast.
Reason #2,712: Why are you tracking my blood?
No. Seriously. Why are you tracking my blood? Why are you tracking anyone’s blood? How are you tracking anyone’s blood? I have some very real problems with this, guys.
Reason #7,651: Keep that away from my head.
I don’t know what you have in mind, MTG Multiverse, but we have some real trust issues going on between us.
Reason #3,960: I feel bad for the horses.
Seems to me like the horses in the MTGverse really get the short end of the stick. Like this one, which got murdered by its rider, who turned out to be a werewolf. Or that one horse that went crazy and turned into a cannibal. Or the one that became one with its rider (and …
Continue reading “Reason #3,960: I feel bad for the horses.”
Reason #1,878: What in the world is a Jokulhaups?
You know what question I don’t have to ask, though: is a Jokulhaups a bad thing? Because you know what? It is bad. Look at the picture. Read the flavor text. Do you want to be standing in front of that mess? Do you want to be in the Yavimaya Valley when a Jokulhaups comes …
Continue reading “Reason #1,878: What in the world is a Jokulhaups?”
Reason #5,922: Your ecology is broken.
Hey, look! More megafauna! This thing is the size of a small mountain. What does it eat? How does it eat enough? These are seriously problematic questions. Anyone? Anyone? No. Great.
Reason #8,001: They ride as one.
Those Eldrazi. I dunno guys. Too many legs. It even looks like the axe is part of…whatever this is. Is this healthy? Is this thing happy? Does it enjoy its existence? Does it feel fulfilled?
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 