Why do its scars cut deeper than its blade? Because it’s rusty. If you cut yourself on this, you’ll probably get tetanus or something. Also, this thing looks like it could just snap off at any time. Get your shots. Take care of your equipment.
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Reason #7,982: Don’t try this at home
So you’ve probably heard this, but here’s a thing about armor: the joints are the weak points. This knight has her entire right arm bare, with little to no protection for the shoulder joint and the underarm. That’s where people will be aiming the pointy things. Just sayin’. Oh, also: don’t hold long metal objects …
Reason #803: The birds are huge
Imagine Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds being made in Eldraine. This guy looks like he could chomp a human in half. Yikes. I do like the art on this card. Still makes me uncomfortable, though.
Reason #5,304: It moves
I don’t know that this fellow is actively malicious, though the card text suggests maybe he’s targeting anything that’s not a giant. Whatever the case, living anywhere near this guy just doesn’t seem safe. He might just pick up your house and walk off with it.
Reason #4,303: Azax-Azog does not sound like a nice person
Phyrexian government recruiting poster? I’ll pass, thanks.
Reason #4,887: Doubt. No benefit. Not apologizing.
I admit, any indictments I made of this guy at the moment might well be unfounded. Maybe this guy is a legitimate businessman, who acquired his product legally and humanely, and he’s filling a valuable niche in the Innistrad economy. But ya know what, MTG Multiverse? You lost the benefit of the doubt with me …
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Reason #7,912: Beneath the assassin trees, where nobody sees…
If you go down in the woods today, you’re in for a big surprise. If you go down in the woods today, the moss will melt off your flesh.
Reason #379: Get out of the way!
Getting hit with that flaming metal ball would be a real bad day on the plane of Ravnica. Why is this zombie monster stomping around the streets of Ravinica? Where do these things come from? Well, I will tell you why and where they come from, dear reader. The dreadhorde butcher is part of the …
Reason #8,504: The fruit here is foreboding
Hey, Dave. Would you like some of this delicious– NOPE.
Reason #8,009: Build a moat
Why do I need a moat, Syr Branigan? Not that I doubt your advice. Far from it. I just want to know exactly what we’re up against. This is the MTG Multiverse, after all. I mean, how big is this thing? And why are its eyes on fire? Should I build my own moat, or …
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 