This makes sense; you’re a wolf. Just sayin’, though, your teeth game is definitely on point here. … I’m just going to go find a big stone castle and never come out.
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Reason #2,627: It’s called a ‘Paradox Engine’…
Does it create paradoxes? Does it run on paradoxes? What kind of exquisite fruit are we talking about here? If it runs on paradoxes, where do they come from? And if it creates paradoxes…well, can we just leave it off? Or maybe dismantle it? I don’t want uncontrolled paradoxes just running around, untethered. Running around …
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Reason #4,872: Look out… . No, actually don’t.
You really don’t want to turn around. Might be a good time to close your eyes and curl up in a ball. Sorry, dude. You really drew the short stick on this one.
Reason #4,821: Shall we play a game?
I’m getting a “War Games” vibe here. Toppling kingdoms, you say? Do you mean literal kingdoms? What kind of game are we talking about here? I want to read the fine print before I sign up for this. Or maybe I’ll just pass. It’s fine.
Reason #9,999: I told you not to go in the woods
But did you listen? No. “Let’s go on a quest,” you said. “Let’s have an adventure,” you said. “It will be fun.” Well, guess what. You found this. In the woods. Where you went, where I told you not to go. This one’s on you. I wash my hands of this.
Reason #3,509: Fairy-tale speed-dating?
Is this what people do in Eldraine? Just go around kissing randos? Based on what Marawen here has to say, I’m guessing these people didn’t actually know each other. Not sure this is the best way to establish a strong foundation for a relationship. Just seems a bit rash. And speaking of rashes, is kissing …
Reason #6,643: I see your Hedron Crab, and I raise you…
I guess Innistrad was feeling a little outdone by Zendikar, cause it decided to make one of these. Giant Eldrazi crabs: yup, that’s a thing now. “Thanks, Innistrad,” said no one ever.
Reason 7,545: Stop it with the corpses!
I told you to stop digging up the graves! Why don’t you listen?
Reason #7,544: Stop it with the souls!
When I said to stop making walls out of souls, that wasn’t an invitation to go use them to make something else. Can’t we just leave the souls alone? Let them be souls. Don’t displace them, or reave them, or torment them, or use them to build furniture or cooking implements. If they’re dead, don’t …
Reason #2,776: More bad weather
Looks gross. Sounds gross. Probably feels gross, or worse. Wouldn’t surprise me if it melts your flesh or gives you some disease. The weather here is just messed up.
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 