Goblins tend to be highly destructive creatures with a strong disregard for health and personal safety. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Lost cause, Dave. That’s just the way they are, and you’re not going to change that.” In which case, I think I’ll stick to my current plane, which is not inhabited by goblins, …
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Reason #3,009: Eldraine also has public safety issues
Yeah, you remember those mountain roads in Innistrad without guardrails? Well, not to be outdone, Eldraine decided to build a tournament ground at the base of an active volcano.
Reason #1,622: Don’t go into the woods. Never go into the woods.
It’s a treefolk assassin. Why do treefolk become assassins? NOPE. Just NOPE. Skipping this plane too. Don’t need trees murdering me in my sleep.
Reason #7,357: More places I don’t want to visit
Dessert? The dead? Decor? Places like this just seem to speak for themselves in my mind. This does not look sanitary. As if that was the biggest issue here.
Reason #2,923: What’s a Thrinax?
A lizard. That produces fungal spores when it dies. Is this how the thrinax reproduces? Will those spores eventually grow into new thrinaxes? Thrinaxi? Thrinax? What is the plural of thrinax? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ll pass on being the predator to the thrinax’s prey. Those teeth. Someone else can …
Reason #4,009: Speaking of places to not go into…
Does anyone else notice the eyes in there? Or the teeth? Or the howling? No? Just me? Okay, that’s cool. Y’all go on in. Have fun. I’m just gonna be somewhere else. Like maybe a different multiverse.
Reason #4,008: Problems with hygiene
Goblin, you’re kinda putrid. I mean, no offense. It’s right there in your name, though. But this is not a serious problem. We can fix this. How about we start with a bath? And maybe get you some clothes that aren’t…rotting? Here, just…wait. Dude, wait, come back! No, that’s not what I meant by take …
Reason #3,599: Unsustainable ecology
This is the point I’ve been trying to make about megafauna, guys. How do you support these kinds of creatures? This is just one. A whole tribe of these would cause an imminent ecological disaster SO fast.
Reason #1,187: Free lobotomy with admission
This card makes me uncomfortable, because things are obviously gonna go south real fast for this guy. And given that we’re dealing with the Rakdos Guild here, the fact that this situation won’t end well for the blindfolded fellow is not an assumption; it’s an inevitability. But there’s something that doesn’t make sense to me. …
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Reason #6,328: Death lurks between, or behind, the lines
One of the questions I’m frequently asking about these examples is “What is actually going on here?” Because of course it would be easy to jump to conclusions, and we certainly don’t want to allow prejudice to cloud our judgments regard the MTG Multiverse. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s really not as bad as I …
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10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 