Category Archives: Uncategorized

Reason #5,003: A novel idea

I know this is going to sound crazy, but what if we stopped summoning demons and making blood offerings to them? Maybe if we did that, they would stop torturing and murdering us. At least then we wouldn’t have our own stupidity to blame when bad things like this happened.

Reason #6,619: Extending social services

I know he’s a goblin, but I do feel sorry for Gerkk. That’s a phyrexian infection there. Those never end well. A good start for expanding social services for goblins might involve an education program. Like phyrexians: don’t go near them. Phyrexian ichors: don’t touch it. Easy messages right? Very much in line with “don’t …

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Reason #9,207: Just what I’ve always wanted: to be eaten by a giant frog.

No! No, I don’t want to get eaten by a giant frog! Why would I want to get eaten by a giant frog? Why would anyone want to get eaten by a giant frog? Don’t answer that, MTG Multiverse. This isn’t up for debate. No giant frogs. Just no.

Reason #5,323: An extortion racket that doesn’t mess around

I’m just going to point out that if you toss someone off a cliff for not paying, there is no possibility of them ever paying your toll in the future. Kind of a situation where we’re killing the golden goose? Maybe? Just sayin’.

Reason #624: The cage we built with our own hands

Our literal hands. I can’t help feeling like the MTG Multiverse would be so much better if everyone just used metaphors a little more liberally. Why do we need a cage made of hands? This card is just legit weird. Crud. I feel like I should just rip into this one pretty hard, but…I don’t …

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Reason #4,056: The people here are scary too.

On Eldraine, it’s not just the monsters you have to worry about. Here’s a guy suplexing a bear. Also, that bear’s head cracked that rock, not the other way around. Also, that guy looks like he’s wearing plate; I don’t think plate is supposed to bend like that. Are these things normal? Should I not …

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Reason #4,988: You’re going to have to release the chaos yourself.

Appears this guy has really gone all in on this reckless thing. Unfortunately for him, I can’t say I’m on board with that. Just doesn’t seem like a great idea. Then again, he probably doesn’t care much. I’m a human, not a goblin.

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