I’m trying to imagine the decision-making process that resulted in this thing. “All right, everyone. We’re behind on our spawning quotas for the quarter. We need some ideas, now. What do we have? Anyone? Come on, anything you got. We’re just brainstorming here. No bad ideas.” “What if we fused an octopus and a shark …
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Reason #4,812: Behold, my new invention. I call it the “Kill Weapon.”
Side effects may include the termination of the user.
Reason #8,043: I don’t care what it is or what you use it for.
You’re still banned, Rakdos! Get it out of here!
Reason #3,323: They don’t stop at killing you, either.
Are you ready to disband your cult now? Cause this is what you have to look forward to, if you don’t. You’re going to be a zombie thrall. Is that what you want? … Dude! The correct answer was “No!” No! That question was rhetorical!
Reason #8,702: The hand of death recognizes its own.
And apparently its own has four arms. Also an extra arm and head sticking out of their abdomen. Um. I honestly have nothing here guys. This one just makes no sense. At least he’s wearing pants. That looks like a solid pair of pants.
Reason #3,378: I feel like Dovin should know better.
Come on, dude. You live in the MTG Multiverse; you’re even a planeswalker. Why are you surprised that there are giant monsters everywhere? A civilized plane? Oh, please. This is Ravnica. Go check out the sewers.
Reason #3,321: You do realize he’s going to eat you when you summon him, right?
You saw what happened with the Feaster of Fools. I just want to make sure you understand what you’re getting into here. When this ends poorly, don’t come crying to me.
Reason #3,320: Dumb cultists
You did know that it was going to eat you when you summoned it, right? You did? And you summoned it anyway? Yeah, this one’s on you.
Reason #5,641: Dress code violation
These people look more like they’re on their way to an aerobics class, not getting ready to fight a war (also, look at that sword[?] in her hand. What is up with that? Seems like you’re just asking to break your thumb with that thing). And let’s be honest. The MTG Multiverse is a pretty …
Reason #3,855: Serpentine basilisk
I was about to give this one a hard NOPE. But I couldn’t really tell what was even going on. So I took one last close look, and suddenly the thing reminded me of one of those joke, potato-chip cans. You know, the ones that actually have a snake or confetti in them or something, …
10,000 Reasons Why the MTG Multiverse is a Terrible Place to Live 